happiness

Those two are my real support and joy here in Birmingham. I may not know them well, may not understand sometimes, but it is all a question of time. But they were with me when I was crying, laughing, doing my stupid things. They are sharing my life here, just right here, in this place I'm calling Boringham :)

You know, it is so difficult to decribe, what I am feeling now. This happiness and freedom inside me. It gives me so much, I feel so completed and caml. And I am sure, if it is not the best time in my life, but for sure one the best :)

Be happy and enjoy your life, just here, just right now!

<3

Happy Happy Valentine's Day =)

don't worry if you don't have anybody to celebrate this amazing day (do you think i'm serious? :) one day you deffo will !!!!!!!

Brighton

I miss Brighton... I miss this feel of freedom and happiness.

15.06.2007
Crazy, crazy morning, terrible hang over and so much work to do. packing my stuff, my last pictures in my flat on Queens road, storage, Arran..., Paris house, my friends. I could write a book about him, but there is no need, it doesn't matter anymore. But I still have this question in my head. Have I done something? and Why?

Прости

В этом сумасшествии, как-то убиваешь то, что на самом деле внутри. Я потерялась еще до этого. Как-то перестала видеть свет, дорога стала такой долгой и пустой. А ты вот взяла и не дождалась меня. И ушла. А что я? Я как будто проснулась. БУМ! Алина проснись, ты потеряла, что больше никогда не вернуть...никогда больше...

Прости... нет смысла говорить за что, ты ведь и сама знаешь за что... Я знаю, ты рядом, возле меня, вот так как и раньше сидишь рядом, смотришь на меня и думаешь, заботишься обо мне.
Я тебя так люблю...
Я так по тебе скучаю...

Another sleepless night...


Dunno why I can't or don't want to sleep... Listening to Fergie ( SHAME ON ME!!!) "Big girls don't cry".


I was actually thinking about depression today. And I've found myself wasting time for nothing. Always complaining that life sucks and hating my body, clothes, life-style. But stop please... It is all COOL...Seriosuly cool and just interesting, I know a lot of people would like to be me, rather than me to be them. I've got everything to be happy. My family, my lovely friends, my uni, my job "the best job in the world", good-looking appearance (hopefully), I am quite talanted and I think I am a good friend, sister (even sometimes I am damn annoying and stubborn) and daughter ( Mum, Dad, forgive me for everything I've ever done and I will do).

So, everything is not dat bad, ryt? :)

But the worst thing is that you can understand dat only when you've lost somebody...

Everybody dies, but not everybody truly lives!

Food, diet and stupid me=)

Missing kazakh food, missing just normal food. I love UK ok? Just i can't stand food here, even I was trying to cook, It wasn't the same :( I want some korean kuksu, mmm.... People, you have no idea what you're missing :)

I think you can just love Korea because of the FOOD!!! Telling ya, it is amazing! Ha-ha-ha...

And the worst thing is that I am actually on diet. And I can't eat anything, even if I have a chance=( It is not fair... Because I am going home soon and during my holidays I am going to eat all these vegetables and something like dat. Isn't it sad??

my home?

It's been a while since my last entry. And I've decided to delete everything from here, just because it doesnt have any sense now and I am having completely different life now.

Hmmm, actually not that different, just sometimes it is better not to remember what has happened to you, even it is something really cool. Anyways...

I think, I should stop calling Shaz, when I am drunk or not sure if I can get in the club for free. Just it is quite rude and annoying. Emm, today was seriously one of the most weird day ever. I woke up in my friend's room, where it was supposed to be make-up was my face with comletely crazy eyes and my hair, omg. I found my boots somewhere and went to uni, which was just 5 min walk, cos he is living in halls. On the lecture, I was asked where I am from, so then during whole lecture my teacher was mentioning Kazakhstan. It is ok, just because of Borat's movie, it is quite hilarious now for everybody. Anyways... To be honest it wasnt like i was doing something weird or ppl around were...just the feeling of something strange going on was always inside me...and u see...in everything what i am writing..there is no sense...